Ally, 20, featured in the upcoming MTV special, SEXTING IN AMERICA: WHEN PRIVATES GO PUBLIC, sat down with the ladies of The View Tuesday morning, sharing her horrific personal account of sexting.
At 16, Ally and her boyfriend broke up, and he then convinced her that if she posed nude and sent him a photo of herself that he would get back together with her. Well, she did - she sent a topless photo to him, and although it was meant only for his eyes, he forwarded that photo to everyone on his contact list, and she suddenly found herself in the midst of brutality - being threatened, humiliated, and brutalized by classmates. She was ashamed, publicly disgraced, called names, and shunned by her peers.
She admits now that it was an impulsive decision, but says he was her first boyfriend and she was naïve, thinking the two would marry; instead, overnight, the topless photo of her had circulated all over school. He laughed, not once ever apologizing for his part in humiliating her.
She’s telling her story now because she wants to help other girls who may find themselves in her situation, and hopefully, to prevent them unnecessary heartache and embarrassment.
Ally isn’t alone. According to the AP Digital Abuse Survey, 61 percent of those who have sent a nude photo of themselves admit to feeling pressured by someone else to do so, 68 percent of people admit to doing or saying things digitally that they wouldn’t do in person, and nearly 1 in 5 sext recipients admit to forwarding sext messages. In addition, the survey found that victims of digital abuse are more likely to face mental health struggles and are twice as likely to contemplate suicide, while those who have ‘sexted’ are four times more likely to consider suicide, and targets of digital bullying are nearly three times as likely to consider dropping out of school.
What many don’t seem to realize is the devastating repercussions one topless photo can have, not only on their reputation and on future ambitions, but the ripple effect that encompasses the entire family and community.
Images taken of people under the age of 18 can constitute as child pornography. The culprit, if indicted, can be charged with possession, and distribution, of child pornography and ordered to register as a sex offender.
Philip, also a guest on The View, and featured in the MTV special, faced such consequences. He seemed genuinely apologetic when he recalled that at 17, his girlfriend sent him nude photos of herself. A month after he turned 18, they broke up, and he, out of anger, hacked into her computer and sent the nude photo to over 70 people – teachers, friends, parents, grandparents – and was subsequently arrested and charged with distributing child pornography, placed on five years’ probation, and ordered to register as a sex offender. He was kicked out of college, can’t find a job, and is unable to live with his dad because he resides too close to a school. Philip is required to attend meetings at his expense, and will be listed as a registered sex offender until he is 43 years old.
I guess the real question is, why do teens, girls specifically, feel the need to disrobe, take nude photos of themselves, and hit send? And, what is a fair punishment for those who forward such images?
As I listened to HLN report on the sexting epidemic, a guest, Dr. Charles Sophy, Medical Director, LA County DCFS and author of Side by Side, explained that at this vital age, adolescents are trying to become adults, navigating the tough world with developing brains, and don’t usually make good or solid decisions. “Teens are desperate for attention, and parents are often too consumed with being friends with their kids.” The answer, he suggests, is involvement that is more parental.
“The one thing I tell all parents is - power is knowledge, and you have power in your parenting – use it.” Don’t be your child’s friend; they have plenty of those…be your child’s parent. “Young people often times don’t possess the brain capacity to understand the impact of the decision of their actions,” he told HLN’s Mike Galanos. “It’s imperative for parents to empower themselves. Those phones should be shut off at certain times, URL addresses should be checked, the phone should be inspected, the usage should be monitored.”
As parents, we need to be aware of what’s going on by involving ourselves in the lives of our kids. It’s our right. Our responsibility. Besides, having a cell phone is a privilege, not a rite of passage, and we managed just fine without them growing up – they can too, if they don’t like our rules.
Kids, the lesson here is this: if you want to keep it private, don’t post it anywhere!
You can watch the MTV special, SEXTING IN AMERICA: WHEN PRIVATES GO PUBLIC, at 4:30 P.M. EST on Wednesday, February 17.
