My Husband is Making Me FAT!

Jim has been on lay off since December, and truthfully, I’m not accustomed to all this togetherness. Seven months out of the year he is an absent spouse. With the exception of weekends and holidays, I take care of everything (pretty damn well I must say) by myself. I feel like a single parent during those periods. It’s rough, I get frazzled, I get irritated, I don’t get a lot of sleep, but I manage. I have a daily routine for the kids and myself outlining things I must accomplish, menus, bath time, activities, and so forth. It’s a nice schedule. I live by it. I need it.

I’m so ready to have it back!

It’s incredibly difficult planning family meals with Jim home. What’s for dinner? BEGS controversy at our house and it’s beginning to wear on MY ever-so-fragile nerves, HIS ready-to-go-back-to-work nerves, and what’s worse? I’ve gained twenty pounds!

I’m Pissed!

I want grilled chicken; he wants fried chicken. I want to prepare steamed cauliflower; he insists on broccoli buried in cheese sauce. I like my veggies al dente; he won’t eat them unless they have the texture of strained peas. I prefer white meat, no skin; he demands dark meat, with skin. I ask him to give up eating four legged animals for lent since he IS the catholic and he’d rather donate a kidney. He would eat pizza every night if he could; I hate pizza!

I experiment with new recipes a lot in the winter and I encouraged him to try my poached salmon in wine with dill sauce. NOPE! Nooooo waaaaay! He won’t eat anything unless it’s layered in ten pounds of flour and fried in a vat of lard. He also LOVES bread and could very easily consume a whole loaf, with a pound of butter, himself…and that’s just during breakfast. I look at a biscuit and gain five pounds. It’s so not fair!

I realize it’s not so much that Jim is making me fat. It’s my overindulging on late night trips to Taco Bell because I didn’t like what I cooked for dinner in order to make everyone else happy.

Maybe tomorrow night I’ll order a pizza…for them. I’ll cook…for myself!

What's A Girl To Do?

I was in the midst of an extremely embarrassing situation last night. I didn’t know what to do. I mean, there I was, in the middle of bathing Corbin after dinner, kneeling over the slippery tub, washing him while he played and splashed around with his dolphin, frog, and duck. Then it hit me. My stomach started making pitiful gurgling noises, my abdomen constricted, and it felt like I had a two year old stashed in there fighting to get out.

Bubble…bubble…bubble. Oh no! My stomach sounded like Jack Black belching in a microphone. Corbin looked up at me with a foamy smile, inquisitively, as if to say did you hear that? What’s that noise?

I panicked! Half washed and a head full of shampoo, I couldn’t leave him alone in the tub. What if he stood up, and slipped and fell under the water? How would I reach him while sitting on the toilet? I had no other choice.

“Jim?! I commanded as loud as I could. “Jim…I need you to come up here…it’s an emergency!”

“What’s going on?” he looked FREAKED as he approached the bathroom.

“I need to go, umm, you know, uhhh…I have to use the bathroom. I need you to finish bathing Corbin.”

He laughed at me. “What? You gotta poop?!”

One bathroom. Three people. Big problem!

Got Penis?

Little Einstein’s is Corbin’s favorite cartoon and he absorbs all 20 minutes directly in front of the TV. On the rocket he received for Christmas, he navigates his way, intently pushing coordinating buttons, his crew of Einstein people in the cockpit, and after pat…pat…pat…paaaatting his legs he pulls the lever, raises his arms, and yells blaaaast-offfffff! It’s amusing. He’s amusing. He looks to me for praise after completing his task, big smile on his face as he’s clapping. Good job, bubby! Yea, you did it! Then he thinks I’m talking about Dora and he begins to sound out the catch phrase Dddddd ...Dddddd... Dddddd... Dddddd...!

Dora is good for about five minutes. Once the song is over; he’s done and on to the next big thing: Yo Gabba Gabba!

I know I am not the first person to notice that Muno, one of the characters in Yo Gabba Gabba on Noggin, looks like a giant penis. He really does! I can’t watch it with a straight face. I laugh every time I see this dude dancing around and I get all warm and fuzzy inside… because, well, quite frankly, he looks like my first vibrator – seriously!

It was red, like Muno, and I called it Elmo! I loved that thing! It had three speeds: low, medium, and who needs a man. Elmo tickled me so much I think I may have lost a filling or two. We had a few good years together before he disappeared. An ex with penis envy didn’t like Elmo too much. I can only imagine what he did with poor Elmo.

Speaking of penis envy, I’d like to give my ex something else to ponder:

You Don't Have To Be A Perfect Parent...You Only Have To Be A Good Enough Parent

Intruders, press conferences, restraining orders, vehement attorneys, diseased nannies, fists flying into nursery walls, voyeurs in the bushes, handbag abductions …

The accusations are airborne. Heaps of rhetoric surfaced recently regarding behind the scenes antics on both sides of the tempestuous working relationship between Nadya Suleman and Angels in Waiting.

Nadya justified the termination of Angels in Waiting, describing how they overwhelmed her by constantly looking over her shoulder and monitoring her nannies. She felt scrutinized by the staff dissecting her interaction with her babies microscopically. She felt uncomfortable and excluded in her own home; ostracized as they lurked and studied everyone’s movements with the babies. She felt their presence was not conducive to a healthy environment in which she could bond with her babies.

Considering the way this whole arrangement came to fruition, I can’t find fault with her decision to let AIW go. It appears to me she was backed into a corner to accept their help in the first place. Strident and adversarial from the get go, Gloria Allred drew a line in the sand with Nadya, and filed a petition with CPS to have Nadya’s kids removed and put into foster care before an agreement was reached. I know from experience how judgment, persecution, character assassination, and ultimatums injure trust and harmony. It doesn’t make for a friendly or healthy partnership. I probably would have felt the same way, in fact, I have.

That said, I find it extremely disconcerting to hear she didn’t participate in the basic daily activities to help AIW in meeting the needs of her children. If she used her babies as props, only volunteering to feed a child when the film crew came in to capture the footage, hung out in her bedroom reading fan mail instead of rocking a child, or spent time primping for the camera instead of bathing a child, it’s disgusting. If all the feeding, bathing, diapering, loving, rocking, and bonding fell solely in the hands of the help, that’s so inappropriate. And when you feel someone is out to get you, or setting you up to fail, why give him or her more ammunition to use against you?

How she finds time to play out her daily reality show exclusively to Radar Online is beyond comprehension.

I have one child home all day everyday, and some days it’s difficult to squeeze in a quick shower. Let’s face it; no two days are the same when you’re a mom. There’s a new hurdle to navigate with each stage; it’s never ending. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many helpers are around, all the kid wants is mommy!

With only four of the eight babies home, Nadya’s environment sings like an out of control circus with her babies on display for financial gain. And instead of improving security for peace of mind and safety, Nadya spent money on a Jacuzzi, went on a $1200 shopping spree, and bought a new dishwasher.

She may not be perfect, but she's good enough. I guess selling interviews and baby pictures is a lucrative career move for a good-enough mom.

Jim isn’t back to work yet and we’re running out of money. Anyone interested in interviewing me about my kids? Wanna buy some photos?

© 2009

Crazy Days and Crazier Nights

A week since St. Patrick’s Day and I feel like I’m still recuperating. Crazy!

Saint Patrick’s Day is the only celebration in which routinely dutiful moderate adults are granted time-honored permission to morph into rowdy uninhibited adolescents.

The Irish pub on the corner beckons panache patrons at 6:30 a.m., ready to cease the day with green beer and cream of potato and leek soup with Irish soda bread for breakfast. Mardi gras beads, Reuben sandwiches, more green beer, and jell-o shots serve as lunch. And before the sun goes down, the skilled party-goers know that in order to keep pace with the evening crowd, they need a quick refreshing nap before returning to consume corned beef and cabbage, more green beer, jell-o shots, and the live band.

Saint Patrick’s Day wasn’t as big a deal when I was young and in school. The only requirement was to wear green in order to avoid having my ass goosed by horny boys lurking the hall. After the age of 21 though, as much as it is a rite of passage, it almost seems as much of a requirement to participate in the annual festivities.

Last year, my youngest was only four months old when Saint Patrick’s Day arrived. I had been anxiously awaiting the opportunity to get out, have some drinks, and celebrate with friends. I made arrangements with my mother-in-law two months in advance to sit with Corbin for the night. Jim got home from work and delivered the baby to his mother, waited patiently for me to shower and dress, until finally asking, “you don’t really want to go out tonight, do you?”

“Not really. I think I’d rather have a nice quiet dinner and get a full night of sleep.”

“WHAT…?!?”

Yeah, that’s all I wanted to do. I wanted one meal that I didn’t have to scarf down between colic-y screeches. And I desperately needed sleep. So instead of fighting the crowd last year I stayed home and devoured a crab leg dinner from Red Lobster and went to bed early. Considering my recovery from St. Patrick’s Day took almost a week this year, I may opt out next year. Then again, who knows?!

© 2009

Terrific Tuesday

Sunday dinner was a simple roast pork with thyme mushroom sauce, garlic mashed potatoes and asparagus.

Monday dinner was delicious shrimp scampi served with Caesar salad and cheddar bay biscuits. Yeah, the ones like they serve at Red Lobster. I just love all the carbs too! I am nominating this my "dish of the week".

Today was perfect for grilling. I prepared grilled swiss mushroom burgers and tarragon roasted veggies.

I made fresh guacamole today so I think I will incorporate that and serve up some Mexican cuisine Wednesday evening.

Thursday night I plan to prepare garlic and herb grilled chicken breast, fresh spinach sauteed with garlic and wine, and roasted red potatoes.

Friday is lent. Jim wants veggie pizza. I want lemon pepper tilapia. Or poached salmon with lemon dill sauce. I'm not sure who's gonna win the battle.

How is your menu planning taking shape this week? Please, please... leave a comment and let me know.

Blueberries Will Be In Season

I guess it’s official. Bravo will be airing The Real Housewives of New Jersey May 12. You can catch a sneak peek April 7.

Jacqueline Laurita: A former cosmetologist, she is now a stay-at-home mom, but still loves to pamper herself. She has a teenage daughter from her previous marriage and a 6-year-old son with her husband Chris, who owns wholesale apparel businesses and is brother to Caroline and Dina.

Teresa Giudice: Born and raised in New Jersey, her husband Joe owns a successful construction company. Together they have three young daughters, who take up much of her time. A friend of Dina and Caroline, she also loves to shop, get spa treatments and spend time at her beach house on the Jersey Shore.

Danielle Staub: “You either love me or you hate me, there is no in between,” says the single mom of two daughters. She prides herself as one of the first female American Express Black card members in New Jersey. She is also active in her local parish and regularly attends mass. She and Jacqueline are friends.

Dina Manzo: Founder of the nonprofit Project Ladybug, which helps children with cancer, she’s also an interior designer, an event planner, mother and best friends with her sister Caroline. Her husband Albert works with his brother (Caroline’s husband) at their family’s catering business.

Caroline Manzo: She’s a mother of three and own a real estate firm and a line of children’s accessories. Described as a “feisty spitfire,” she’s Dina’s sister and is on the board of Project Ladybug. She’s married to Albert Manzo, brother of Dina’s husband Tommy. Dina and Caroline’s brother is Jacqueline’s husband Chris.

Will you be watching?

Update on Norwalk Couple

Kurt Dewitt and his girlfriend, Megan, from Norwalk, OH appeared on Dr. Phil today discussing domestic violence.

Megan tearfully narrated how Kurt Dewitt has physically abused her. She has been beaten, choked, hit in the head with a rock, thrown against walls, slapped and pushed. And if that’s not bad enough, her choice to remain involved in this tempestuous relationship lost her physical custody of her little boy. Kurt didn’t deny the allegations. Instead, he tried to rewrite history, shift blame, and point the finger at Megan as an excuse to why he behaves the way he does.

Quite a few of our local residents have plenty to say. Here is a small sample:

"Norwalk Resident is right. If this is the same Kurt Dewitt in the court files, looks like he is a professional burglar. Sent to prison in 2004 for burglary and now awaiting sentencing on safecracking and burglary. He should've been on Jerry not Dr. Phil. "

" Being in the rental business, I can also tell you that he likes to punch holes in the walls! The whole family, including his brother and his mother are nothing but trouble."

"If my memory serves me correctly, him and his precious girlfriend got charged with burglary and safecracking a few months back. That’s in additional to his lengthy criminal background.”

I genuinely hope Megan took Dr. Phil’s advice and escaped from this explosive relationship the second she landed from Los Angeles last week. The price is too high to remain.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

What are you making for dinner tonight?
I'm not much of a cabbage fan but Jim loves it!
He can have all the yummy stuff tonight...
I'm going out with friends!

When He Didn't Come Home: Sex, Lies, and Videotape

Imagine. You go to bed one night believing all is well in your world. As you snuggle next to your adoring husband of seven years, you whisper prayers of thankfulness for this brilliant and devoted man – the father of your two children. His energy is endless; his attention to detail astounds you. Like when he makes the perfect pot of coffee the next morning and delivers a cup to you in bed, allowing you to savor the peaceful moment alone while he gathers the kids, dresses them, and prepares breakfast before heading to work. He’s kind, generous, and his random acts of love are revealed in abundance. Your husband calls you from his office to chat throughout the day. He makes plans to bake valentine's cookies with your 4-year old daughter that evening when he gets home from work. And then he vanishes!

You find yourself in the midst of a whirlwind frantic search for your husband while two months pregnant. You fear the worst – he’s dead! You know him and you know deep within that he would never run off and leave you or the kids; that’s just not the type of man he is. He isn’t a coward! After his car is found five days later on the other side of town, not his normal route home, yielding no signs of foul play or his laptop, which he carries everywhere, you’re more distraught than ever. You appeal nationally, appearing on Nancy Grace and Greta, hoping and praying that someone, somewhere, steps forward with information leading to the whereabouts of your husband.

Your agonizing days crawl by which turn into torturous weeks, and the nightmare just keeps getting worse. You’re forced to relinquish your home because you can’t afford the mortgage; and just when you think it couldn’t possibly get any worse, you’re abruptly smacked with the reality that your husband, the man you love and trust with your life, has been living a secret life – a double life – for years! The investigation into his disappearance reveals undisclosed bank accounts, videos, several on-line alias’, and membership to sex and singles networks in which his vile profile states he is seeking male or female fuck buddies and participation in threesomes.

“How could I not know?” you think to yourself. “What did I miss?” You begin to look back and question the life you shared with the man who came directly home from work every night and attended church every Sunday. “Where did he find the time?”

The disappearance of Nicholas Francisco reads like a Lifetime movie marathon on a Sunday afternoon. But this isn’t a motion picture. I was a member of several online sleuthing communities collaborating in the disappearance of the 28 year-old from SeaTac, Washington. However, our group quickly split upon the news of Nicholas’s double life, and still is. Some posters continue to refute the facts and evidence in this case, even though numerous people from Nicholas’s other life have come forward to say they knew him as Steven.

Nicholas’s secret world rocked Christine’s reality and any hope she had of him returning home was gone. Shocked, sickened, and devastated, four months after Nicholas disappeared, Christine filed for divorce. She gave birth to a son last October and remains in the SeaTac area with her children, vowing to never stop searching for Nicholas. Her children deserve answers, and she deserves the opportunity to confront the man who betrayed her.

Detectives continue to investigate any new leads and Nicholas is still listed as a missing person.

Christine's story begs the question, how well do you really know someone? I wish her all the best!

Norwalk Couple to Appear on Dr. Phil

This is wild! A couple from Norwalk, Ohio will be appearing on the Dr. Phil show, and their story made the front page of our local newspaper, the Norwalk Reflector, today. Seriously!

Kurt DeWitt and his anonymous fiance (not for long, honey) taped in Los Angeles last Wednesday in front of approximately 100 audience members. They suspect the show will air either next week or the week following.

I guess this chic wasn't kidding when she told Kurt they needed counseling in order to salvage their on-again off-again relationship. She brought out the big guns for this one! Kurt wasn't too happy with the steady stream of Dr. Phil-isms either. He told the Norwalk Reflector that Dr. Phil was "harsh" and "humiliated" him and he almost walked off of the stage during taping. He wouldn't be the first to walk away with his tail between his legs after tell-it-like-it-is Dr. Phil ripped him a new ass!

I don't know this guy personally, but I'm gonna keep my eyes and ears open for this episode to air. Apparently, a Dr. Phil producer split them up and recommended they fly home separately and stay away from each other. “We don’t need to be away from each other to get help,” he said.

All I wanna know is: how's it workin' for ya?

FLEAS AND CANCER: WILLIE ROBINSON DENIED MEDICAL TREATMENT WHILE DOG IS TREATED FOR FLEAS

William Robinson Sr. and Monica Hussing were indicted on Wednesday...

I am absolutely outraged! This poor 8-year-old boy was neglected and suffered a slow painful death as his cries and pleas for a doctor fell upon deaf ears. What the fuck is wrong with these parents? These douchebags refused to take their dying son to a doctor because they were broke and couldn't afford medical care. I want to know how they pulled $87 out of their asses, then, to take a fucking dog to the vet and get it treated for fleas? I want to know how much money they spent smoking marijuana!

Since when has a damn dog gnawing its balls, chewing its leg, or devouring its ass taken precedence over a child’s health and safety – when that child can’t walk and has to be carried to the bathroom?


Willie Robinson, from Cleveland, 8 years old, should be alive – going to school, frolicking with classmates, enjoying sports, watching Wizards of Waverly Place, and fighting with his 5 siblings – as any other boy his age. Instead, his young life was cut short – way too short. He died from pneumonia March 22, 2008 due to Hodgkin’s lymphoma, which is one of the most common forms of cancer familiar to kids, but it’s treatable. Yes! With treatment, Willie could have survived, as 95% of patients in the early stages of the disease do – if it’s detected early enough! This boy agonized for a long time – at home – as his parents looked on nonchalantly, recklessly disregarding his insipid appearance and inert demeanor; despite numerous attempts by extended family members to get him to a doctor before he died.

These ignorant selfish so-called parents, William Robinson Sr. and Monica Hussing, cared more about their flea infested dog and puffin' on the bong than on the health of their son. What in the hell were they doing while their son was dying? Where was the concern and desire for his safety and well being?

Initially they were only charged with educational and medical neglect, and allowed to retain their other five kids while under the supervision of CPS. They were finally indicted in Cleveland on Wednesday, on charges of involuntary manslaughter, child endangering and felonious assault, after the coroner ruled Willie’s death a homicide stemming from medical neglect.

I am disgusted! This should not have happened! We have numerous community resources and outreach programs available to low income families in the Cleveland area offering everything from free diapers to medical and dental care. There is no excuse for these parents not taking advantage of the many doctors and hospitals who treat patients regardless of their ability to pay. What about Medicaid? If they didn't have the money to take Willie to a doctor, they most likely qualified for state health care coverage. The income eligibility for a family of 8 is capped off at approximately $65,000 per year. Who knows if they would have qualified or not; perhaps they were too high to consider alternatives.

The $1 A Day Diet...Could You Do It?

As I signed in to twitter this morning, I was posed the question, “Could you eat on $1 a day?” Immediately my brain revealed images of select items from the dollar menu at McDonalds, Burger King, and Wendy’s. I realized that if I challenged myself to complete this quest I would have to stretch my dollar to include more than one burger or one chicken sandwich.

It definitely provoked thought. Curiosity got the best of me and after studying my weekly grocery ads,I realized it would be tough to feed myself three meals a day for a dollar. Okay, even two meals a day would be difficult. I’m picky when it comes to food. I want bright produce, fresh meat and seafood, and real mayonnaise. I don’t like generic coffee either. And I must have Coffeemate hazelnut creamer – the refrigerated kind, not powder. I wouldn’t make it through one morning on a dollar because of my coffee habit. I am horribly addicted! Rich, dark, smooth coffee – nothing like it.

I understand the concept of buying staples that weave a meal into three or four days. In this economy it’s hard not to purchase in bulk, plan-a-head, and cook meals at home instead of dining out. I squealed with delight and did a happy dance last winter when I challenged myself to feed my family balanced nutritious dinners for $10 and under…and yes; I cooked.

But is it possible on a meager dollar? For 30 days?

One woman took the challenge and chronicled her well-spent daily dollar.

Fare enough!

Octomom Nadya Suleman Adopted By Angels

It appears Nadya Suleman, in a private meeting facilitated and mediated by Dr. Phil, has accepted the offer of support from Angels in Waiting to assist her in caring for all 14 children.

Fostering safety, promoting development, and cultivating a safe and nurturing environment being core objectives, a Declaration of Principles has been reached between Nadya and Angels in Waiting. Professional wrap-around care will be provided 24/7 for the eight babies as well as the other six kids, including specialized neonatal nurses and an occupational therapist.

Overwhelmed to accomplish numerous tasks prior to the release of any babies, Angels in Waiting, along with Nadya, are scurrying to remedy concerns with her new home; fixing railings, stairways, ceilings and walls, before the hospital will release two of the eight babies. Another task - “cloning Nadya” – a process which requires all caregivers be trained to emulate Nadya’s touch and scent – to ensure bonding. In order to accomplish that, skilled staff members (and mom) will be required to wash with lavender soap so all caregivers smell the same to the infants, and they will be swaddled in shirts worn by Nadya to feel as if they’re being nestled by mom. Staff will also learn how to hold, position, rock, feed and burp the babies as Nadya herself would. A guestimated 64 feedings per day which totals more than 30 hours of feedings.

Whitaker General Contracting is pitching in to manage remodeling Nadya’s home, Uptown Flooring and Design is providing new carpet and flooring, Ga Ga Designs will provide a beautiful and safe nursery for the octuplets in one of the four bedrooms, and home furnishings have been purchased for the family to include rocking chairs, armoires, changing stations, cribs, and bunk beds for the older kids.


Dr. Phil is also hosting a donation drive this weekend at Paramount Studios, accepting items such as formula, diapers, burp clothes, baby tubs, etc…

The Real Housewives of New Jersey?

Last spring, waves of people flocked to message boards to share their rants (and raves) about an upcoming show to hit Bravo: The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Bravo execs also released a statement and short clip of the show:

"The newest edition to Bravo's successful 'Real Housewives' franchise brings big homes, big hair, new money and drama. Shot through Bravo's pop culture filter, welcome to New Jersey, home to five of the Garden State's most affluent ladies and the families they run. These best friends do everything over-the-top, from their decorating, to their dating and their fighting. 'The Real Housewives of New Jersey showcases the McMansions and lavish lifestyles of these women and all the drama that money can buy."

The Real Housewives of New Jersey was believed to star Dina (from VH-1’s My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding), Danielle, a hard partying divorcee in her 40’s, Theresa, and one other woman. They were reportedly filmed clubbing on a Thursday night in Morristown, at the tables in the high-rollers room at Borgata Casino in Atlantic City, at Portobello Restaurant in Oakland, and at a beauty shop next to Starbucks in Franklin Lakes, NJ.

In December, the scuttlebutt reported that the show had been cancelled due to a lawsuit between Bravo and one of the Housewives, and Dina was rumored to have signed with NBC for a different show altogether.

With The Real Housewives of Atlanta currently in production for season 2, where does that leave The Real Housewives of New Jersey? Was it cancelled? Did they have to re-shoot with new cast members?

I read Andy Cohen's blog this morning and this is what he had to say:

"Today the The Real Housewives of New Jersey will be in the Bravo offices and it will be fun to see them in their last days before going from actual housewives to "Housewives."

I guess we’ll all have to wait…and watch what happens!

Daydream Believer

Back in the day, as a divorced mother of (only) one child, March was the month friends and I departed for our annual trip to Cabo. Two full weeks, sans kids and work, spoiled in such luxury! We spent mornings on the marina sipping café mochas after indulging in bountiful buffets of fresh fruit, made to order omelets and Belgium waffles. Afternoons we could be found poolside getting bronzed and beautified while sipping pina colodas, banana daiquiris, and strawberry margaritas. Evenings, after comparing tan lines and hitting the showers, we enjoyed dining al-fresco at some of the most exquisite restaurants. The lobster (and shrimp) dusted with cilantro and lime was colossal at the Trailer Park, the authentic guacamole and refried beans (a staple served with every meal) was out of this world; the Caesar salad at Edith’s was one of my absolute favorites, and Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville had the most incredible coconut shrimp. Following dinner we assembled at one of the many nearby nightclubs for more drinks and of course, dancing. I preferred The Kokomo most evenings for its tropical flamboyance and loud hip-hop, but I admit the Giggling Marlin, Cabo Wabo, and Squid Roe were happening places from what I can remember after all the tequila shots.

My mind has been dancing all day; whirling and twirling thoughts – of Mexico. I think it must be the weather! I am not a winter person, nor have I ever been. I detest being held captive by the cold and snow filled months. This is the time of year I become antsy, and my annual trip offered reprieve from a dreary winter – just what I needed to get me through until my warm, sun-filled days reappeared.

I don’t have the opportunity to travel as much as I once did, but I can do the next best thing: crank out some Jimmy Buffet and drink a Corona…for old times sake!

Jon & Kate on Oprah

As I was preparing dinner, sprinkling my chicken breast with grill seasoning and scolding Corbin to put the Pledge away, there they were – on Oprah. Introduced as America’s favorite family (really?) and arriving in studio via satellite from the comfort of their new $1.3 million home with all eight kids, Jon & Kate Gosselin struggled to find words of encouragement for iniquitous mother of octuplets, Nadya Suleman.

Kate explained how the process of bonding with her sextuplets took a year, and urged Nadya to integrate a support system consisting of “lots and lots” of family and friends because there is “never enough time, never enough money, and never enough of you” to go around.

Oprah questions Jon & Kate on the state of their marriage (finally! We’re getting to the good stuff) and their incessant bickering. Jon tried to express his opinion, and as usual, Kate interjects with her enlightened view, stating something about any couple with eight kids would be snippy. Oprah asked the couple how they managed to spend any time together when they have eight kids. After what seemed like an extended uncomfortable silence, Kate stated the children always sleep…they eventually go to sleep. What? Oprah didn’t even ask if the rumors were true!

Kate continues chatting about her excruciating daily schedule (despite rumors she now employs a full time nanny, organic chef, housekeeper and bodyguard) and how she now gets up at 5:30 a.m. to have her coffee and spend an hour running on the treadmill. Not long ago, Kate told America (and we have seen the many episodes of Jon leaving her coffee on the nightstand, made just the way the post-it note instructs) she never got up before 8:00. She boasted about Jon getting the kids up and ready in the morning. She can't get up to parent her children, but she can get up to work out?

Footage is shown of the family in their new home as Kate narrates of crew changes (only one original crew member is now left) and new house rules: no shoes, no cameras allowed in the kitchen, no filming in the kids’ bedrooms because they are older now and need their privacy, no filming on Sundays (or any other time things may be going on they don’t want filmed) because they attend church, and if the camera happens to capture anything in an unfavorable light, they tell ‘em cut…go away! Who’s running the show now? Down, Kate - your diva is showing!

Jennifer and Kevin, a couple from Texas, are expecting quads, who will be joined by two other siblings. Skyping in, Jennifer asked Kate if it’s realistic to expect she can take care of her babies without any help. Kate, in her all-encompassing, sanctimonious tone, clarified, “coming from my world…yes!” Are you kidding me? When did Kate ever care for her children without any help? "I would say it's definitely doable! As our babies were coming home, I remember when we got up to four—we brought two and then one and then the fourth one home—things started to get a little hairy. But I've always said, 'Between us, we have four arms.'" Right, Kate!

Oprah then quizzed Jon & Kate about how the cameras affect their kids. Kate responded with vigor, as usual, citing how well socialized her children are because of the cameras, and how her children have been blessed with advantages they might not otherwise be able to experience. “It’s part of their life…that’s their normal!” (And don’t forget what you’ve gotten out of it, Kate!) And how does she get her kids to behave? A lot of bribery…suckers! I wonder if that would work to keep Corbin out of my Pledge.

Gosselin Porn

These photos are too funny! Check out THIS website for more...

Jon & Kate Plus 8: From Medicare to the Mansion - Multiple Blessings, Indeed!

I recently finished Multiple Blessings, the book written for Jon & Kate Gosselin by their (rumored) ex friend, Beth Carson. The book has been on the New York Times bestseller list for 19 weeks. Last week it was number 5; this week number 6.

I decided to purchase the book after viewing countless episodes of their reality TV show on TLC - Jon & Kate Plus 8. I thought perhaps I misjudged Kate and if I read the book I wouldn't be so critical of her. I thought maybe if I knew the whole story I would be able to better understand her and why she comes across as overbearing and condescending, and with such a strong sense of entitlement.

When I first became a fan of the show I thought the kids were absolutely adorable, despite all the whining, crying, screaming, and fighting. My girls and I watched regularly, laughing as the little ones let words like "weiner" and "pooped in hers unnerwears" roll off their tongue. I must admit it was tough at times to sit through the entire 30 minute episode, especially if I had already had a trying and stressful day myself. It wasn't relaxing for me to watch all the chaos unfold. I had my own riot to deal with. I kept watching, quite frankly, because I was in awe of Kate. "How does she do it?" I wondered to myself time and again. I value order, routine, and structure. I had a schedule for my four kids, I had a cleaning checklist, I planned menus, I clipped coupons, but I figured maybe I could learn something from watching how she made it work with eight kids.

What I know for sure after reading the book (and watching the show) is that Kate doesn't do it, and she hasn't done it for a long time. At least not in the manner portrayed to viewers. We see what they want us to see. In the media-centered Gosselin home we witness a frazzled, stressed out mom who deals with it by screaming at and emasculating her husband. Prior to the show, Kate had people. Hell, Kate still has people! She had volunteers, family, friends, and a private nurse. Sadly, it seems as though most of the friends and family have since disappeared for one reason or another. The book is riddled with bible versus and testimony of how great God has been, which is not a topic they discuss on their show.

What finally pushed me over the edge was finding out how much their new home cost... $1.3 million! In this economy? I was already uncomfortable watching them bathe their children in public. I was offended during their Christmas show when their idea of giving back was done publicly to solicit a "hey, look at me!" And I was completely put off listening to Kate explain how they manage all the extravagant trips with 8 kids. They don't pay for anything! She has the nerve to accept these generous offers and complain on camera about the experiences. Unbelievable!

Reading the book opened my eyes. Kate is an ungrateful, mean-spirited woman who has managed to push away everyone who was there to help her when she had absolutely nothing. And you know what they say, "It's best to be kind to everyone on your way up because you never know who you will see again on your way down!"

Nadya Suleman...Enough!

My brain has been inundated with stories about the Octumom. She's everywhere! I can't even turn on my local news without being force fed her daily revelations and absurdities. It's so maddening! Curiously, I googled her this morning. Now I can't be certain, but I'm fairly confident prior to January 26, 2009, Nadya Suleman would've been fortunate to elicit even a handful of results. This morning? 528,000 astonishing results! Like I said, she's everywhere. Everyone is talking about her. Everyone has something to say, and public opinion is highly unfavorable.

We already know the basics: 6 pregnancies turned this single, unemployed woman into a well-manicured mommy of 14. Some have said this serial mom uses her vagina like a clown car. Others have said she pops out kids like a pez dispenser, reproduces like a rodent, is a habitual breeder, and a gestational provocateur. She has been compared to a crazy cat lady, accused of having cosmetic surgery to emulate Angelina Jolie, and she's been called a resource hog. Yet others have condemned her, preaching reality TV shows such as Jon & Kate plus 8 and The Duggars made her do it; she hoped to use the birth of her children as a get-rich-quick scheme.

Honestly, folks! Enough is enough! Vilifying Nadya demoralizes her kids. Granted, she made a mistake. She may very well be in need of a counselor instead of becoming a counselor. But, seriously...how does her decision affect your life? The taxpayers in California pay taxes irregardless. Whether you like it or not, your tax dollars, in part, support community resources to help people in need. And yes, she needs a lot of help.

I am not a Nadya supporter who wishes to exalt her a pop culture icon, nor am I a sidewalk superintendent screaming at her to "get a job, loser!" I advocate for the kids in this emotionally elevated situation, and despite how you feel about their mother, she is all they have. She is all they know. I believe she loves her kids, and I do not subscribe to the theory she is criminally negligent or harmful to her children.

Instead of people being consumed with calling Human Services and filing petitions in court to have her children removed (creating an even larger burden on the state) the focus should be on helping this family thrive... together. All you nosy parkers take note: if you have enough time on your hands to monitor this family and call CPS, then you surely have enough time to take one of the kids for a walk, invite them over for a popsicle, or sit outside on a blanket and read a story.

Raising kids is a phenomenal challenge on a good day! As a mother of four kids (from 18 yrs to 15 months) I've experienced my share of parenting faux pas. I lost one of my daughters in Wal-mart when she decided to look at dresses, I lost another daughter at the fair when she took the wrong turn exiting a kiddie ride, one of my boys locked himself in the bathroom once and it took me an hour to get him out, another one of my boys woke up in the middle of the night and fell down the stairs. To remedy that situation from happening again, I turned the knob to lock from the outside. Well, one morning the girls awoke with the roosters and unlocked his door. They went back to bed to watch cartoons until the alarm went off at 7:30; he snuck out of the house. Although he was found safe at the neighbors house with his sisters shoes on the wrong feet, I was neurotic! Whether you are a mother of one, four, six, eight, or fourteen...mishaps will happen. I thank God mine (so far) have not been placed under the microscope for public scrutiny.

After the Final Rose...I'm gonna be sick!

Okay, fine! I watched The Bachelor. I'm not proud of it. In fact, I'm disgusted with myself for getting sucked back in this season, and in the process, torturing my husband every Monday night at 8:00 - for weeks! "What a joke!" he would mumble shaking his head. "This is stupid!"

I am now left with a headache after feeling as if I continually beat my head against a brick wall. Now I'm screaming, "Why?!" "Why?!" "Why?!"

Well, for starters, it was Jason Mesnick. The seemingly normal, single dad from Seattle with sparkling eyes and a dazzling smile. Handsome, fun, authentic, emotionally available and he wanted to find love and get married. So, he did what any man in his position would do. He signed up with ABC to become one of the 25 single men seeking to win over The Bachelorette, Deanna Pappas. He was one of the final two gents. He got down on one knee (traditional guy too) and proposed, but she turned him down. Everyone I know thought she woulda, and shoulda, picked Jason as her life mate. Didn't happen. Instead, she sought the route of adventure with snow boarder, Jesse.

So, when Jason was selected to be the next Bachelor, I felt compelled to take that journey and witness him fulfill his quest for true love and find his happily-ever-after. Week after week I watched with my friends and blogged with my facebook family. I really liked Stephanie. I thought she was a good fit for him. Obviously he felt she was too mature, and so he sent her home. I also liked Jillian. She was in the top three. He sent Jillian home because he wanted a wife and not a best friend. That pissed me off! The final two: Melissa and Molly. Personally, I didn't care for either, but especially not Molly. All my friends, however, were huge Melissa supporters, and since my favorites were all sent packing, I jumped on that bandwagon!

My original thoughts and feelings about Jason Mesnick have dramatically changed. After spending countless Monday evenings as a voyeur in Bachelor land I have come to the realization that Jason is a self-centered, manipulative, dishonest, and artificial pud! He's also extremely fickle! I agree with Melissa; he is not who he portrays himself to be. In case you didn't hear, the private emails between Melissa and Jason have surfaced. Melissa confirmed they are real during her interview with Ellen. You can read for yourself HERE.

I guess I shouldn't take it to heart. People break up everyday. Divorce happens. Couples are unfaithful. It's a devastating experience all around for everyone involved. Of course, it's exacerbated when it happens on national television. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I'm also a firm believer in the Universal Law of Karma - what goes around comes around! I sure hope Molly is prepared!